Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
