I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
