I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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