Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
