HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
zippers are such a cool invention
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
