Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
