Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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