Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
