Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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