At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
