You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
