So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
