so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
