just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
