I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
