she smelled like a LAN party
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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