I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
