Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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