I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
