You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's always time for handjobs
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
