Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
