The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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