I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
