I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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