Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
is it fun? or sober?
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