i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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