meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
