Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
