im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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