I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
