I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
