Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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