Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even my vagina gasped.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
