I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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