I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
