I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
