You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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