You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
