Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
