Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
