MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
