last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
