Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
