My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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