she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
