I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
