Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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