so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
