Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
