I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
