from now on my penis is your penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So many bounce houses so little time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
