Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
