his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The struggles of a small town man whore
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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